The Matrimony

"I am not ready for this" was my answer the fourth time we talked on phone. It was my first time and I was really nervous. And above that being geographically challenged I was both physically and mentally lost. Finally, I entered the restaurant where we planned to meet with a blank and scary look on my face.
"I will be in a blue check shirt", he had told me. This all sounded so insane to me and the matrimonial mode of wedding hard to accept.Still with all the peer pressure I decided to go ahead and meet this guy. There he was sitting around the corner and greeted me when I went there. He had a pleasant smile and good manners so to say, by the time I had reached to the table I had already scanned him top to bottom checking out the brands of all what he was wearing.

I sat down with a weird look on my face and since I had already told him that I am pretty nervous about all this he was at his best to make me comfortable by sharing all funny incidents that must have happened with him in all his lifetime. I tried to concentrate on what he was saying but was more distracted towards his gestures as to how he was eating and his facial expressions while cracking a joke. God, save us from this arrange marriage concept. I am sure all this checklist doesn't even matter when we are going in for love marriage. Yes, I agree they have become more practical these days but we let pass the minute details.

Back to the restaurant.So yes we talked all we could about schooling, colleges, hostel life and cracked some not so funny jokes just to keep up with the nervousness of meeting a stranger to decide a life long commitment. Phew, that sounds pretty heavy. So we met, finished our order, the chicken wings and pepperoni pizza we had decided over the chat long time back.I was sitting in the car nervously fiddling with my hands and he trying to keep up the I am not so nervous gesture narrating more incidents of his life.

I reached home just to see a fishy smile and I want to know it all look on my sisters face and dozens of missed calls on mu cell. Yes, my parents wanted to know all of it right then as if tomorrow will never come. I have always been very indecisive about my life. I am very dependent on even the smallest n pettiest decisions like which lingerie to buy or what food to be ordered and here I was to take a big leap. I was not ready for it. I remember counting the 'No's' I said when I sat on the sofa with my sister staring at me. "Twenty No's really", she said looking at me with an astonished look. "He dint look that bad in his pictures I guess". No he was not bad, there was nothing wrong with him seriously, in fact he was very charming but the problem was I just don't agree with this whole concept of meeting through matrimonial sites.

Anyway, I did not want to take a hasty decision so we continued chatting. We used to chat whenever we got free time and I have to agree that he was hilarious and a nice guy. Gradually, our chats reduced and finally stopped until a day when something really bad happened in my life. I would still mark it as the worst day of my life and it will always be. I lost a person most close to me. I was shattered and lost. When I was trying to cope up with the loss I found a message from him saying that he was really sorry about my loss and he really dint like the way we stopped talking and probably he was not my type. Type really?? Do we have types in humans too,, ?I thought we just hang around with ones we feel happy and avoid ones who just don't contribute to being part of us. I dint have a type.

I had to explain to him that it was not a no to him. "I am not ready for this" was my answer the fourth time we talked on phone. "There is nothing wrong with you, I just have a lot in my plate already and I am not ready to take this decision at this point of time." And we became friends. We used to chat daily, check on each other and had really good time without any complications of getting married and awkwardness of how we met. Trust me friendship is the best relation on this earth. I don't think anyone can survive without this particular human attachment. Months passed by and there we were, met for a life long commitment called marriage but instead nurturing the most beautiful word that exists, 'Friendship.' We hadn't met again, all we did was chat all day long. He did meet few girls for alliance in between but nothing worked.

One day we decided to meet as none of us enjoyed the idea of being just chat friends for life long. We met for dinner, had a lovely time. Now it was inevitable not talking to each other. We shared our good moments, not so good things going in life and I was happy that matrimonial site could at least give me a nice friend though I can never imagine getting married through those site. They are literally a nightmare for me. Until, one day when we all went for a movie and after returning back my sister convinced me that we do look good together and we would make a lovely couple.To my surprise instead of getting angry as usual on these remarks I was blushing. And that was it. I had my decision. If he asks me again it is a "Yes" from me, though he hadn't ever asked me again in these four months. I was both excited and nervous that I had finally made the toughest decision of my life and that too with the first ever guy I met for the purpose and was secretly thanking God that I'll not have to go through all this creepy stuff of matrimonial again.

That night, we were chatting normally, pulling each others leg and he as usual calling me all stupid nicknames that can be extracted from my original nickname which my parents had kept not thinking what impact it can be when I grow up. Certain nicknames can be the mode of mocking you throughout your life, but still I liked mine it was cute. Suddenly, he got serious and asked me what do I think about us.
 "My sister says we make a lovely couple", I typed.
 "What do you think?"
"I think we really look good together, sorry for so direct a question", was his reply.
"I feel the same buddy", that's what I usually called him.
"You are ready to take it forward."
"Yes", I typed with red cheeks and smile on my face and stare from my sister.
A smiley, a rose and a bouquet. Emoticons these days do help in expressing the feelings more easily.
"I'll talk to my parents sweetie", was his reply.
Sweetie, really, everything changing with just a "Yes". From stupid nicknames to sweetie.
"I'll too let them know."

That night was the longest night of my life. I waited for morning and as soon as it struck 7:00 and I was sure my folks would be up by now I called them up to break their most awaited 'Good News'. I could feel the happiness and nervousness in my moms voice at the same time. This is what they had been waiting for.

We met for breakfast, with twinkle in my eye and lot of questions in my mind. Did he talk to his parents? What would they have said? Where the wedding should take place? When, how , my mind was flooded with all this tension. Being a girl biggest worry was will we able to fulfill their expectations. The one thing that did not occur even once in my mind was the conversation that followed and that made me realise the hard facts of life.

"Hey, did you talk to your parents?", I asked him trying to hide the excitement in my voice.
"Let's order something first", he said in a very low and disturbed voice.
"Is everything OK?"
"I talked to my parents and they wanted to know more about you and your family, so let's discuss that and I'll tell them accordingly."
"As you know we are just two sisters and a very middle class family, one thing I want the guy I marry to understand is that my parents will be my responsibility throughout my life. My dad is a businessman and since he does not keep much well, It's we who have to take care of them financially. Me being the eldest and that they have done their part of raising me well enough to play my part to support them now, they are my responsibility and that's the only one understanding I expect from my better half, and other is that we can't afford a big wedding, nothing else."
We talked over coffee as they rightly say a lot can happen over a cup of coffee. And a lot did happen a cup of coffee.
We had all our casual chats and then he dropped me back saying that he is sorry and he talked to his parents but they have certain criteria which apparently my family doesn't fulfill. He said he tried to convince that all that matters is that we are compatible an we like each other but the last authority was his parents and he cannot do anything about it. so this was it!! Four months of fiddling with a decision, finally having guts to say "Yes", just to realize that we cannot be together because our family standards do not match.

Yes, we still live in a country where financial compatibility, society standards are much more important than emotions, personal compatibility, each others feelings towards one another when it comes to an arrange marriage. It is sad but true that what people will say, what relatives will comment on and what society expects us to do is more important than what our own child wants when it comes to arrange marriage. We still are so bound by society that we forget to live the way we want.I still don't understand and will never understand that why society becomes so important in such a personal decision like getting married. They wont have any role to play hereafter except attending the wedding and gossiping about it, mostly the flaws in it no matter how much effort you have put in. As William Wordsworth rightly quoted. "We are too much with the world." I learnt it the hard way.